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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

5 things girls know but really understand after a breakup

The best friend and I have been going through her breakup together these last month and we learned from the experience by looking back together. I had my most painful breakup too several years back, I've committed lots of mistakes, from the most pathetic ones to those deliberately and stupidly done. Looking back, I say I don't regret undergoing the process. It made me stronger and a lot wiser too. It helped that the best friend saw me and know MOST of what happened during the breakup process.

Her breakup made me look back on what we did in our failed relationships, where we went wrong, what we should've done, and learn lots and lots of stuffs along the learning process.


So in a breakup here is what we learned:

1. If he's cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

We know this right? We know this as a fact yet we still decide to fall for a cheater. We think we are better than his former beau because he made us feel that is true. In the best friend's case, her ex used to complain lots about his former girlfriend; that she doesn't understand him, that they no longer connect all the while flirting with my best friend and trying to be a boyfriend.

In my case, the guy asked for a date and when I told him I don't date men who are in a relationship, he said he has a girlfriend and not married. Several months after, when he declared that he's single, we dated. But men like that don't deserve second chances don't they? Still I dated and even took him as a boyfriend.

Yeah, we sucked big time with men like these.

Moving on...


2. If a guy wants to be with you, he will be there. Otherwise, he's just not interested.

We like doing GMs (giving-meaning) to all the things guys we like say and do. Our over-analytical nature sometimes get the better of us. One glance, a smile, a gesture of chivalry is enough for us to think that men may be attracted to us. Our imagination hits overdrive sometimes that we get to daydream and fantasize on what he'd say and do and get frustrated when nothing's happening. Some girls can't take it and do the first move only to learn that a guy is just being nice.

See how we sometimes think:

Female Logic.



After watching the movie, He's Just not that Into you, I finally was able to keep this in mind. If a guy is into you, he will do anything and everything just to be with you. If he doesn't or if there is hesitation, or if he goes out and text sometimes but doesn't say that he likes you, it means he is not into you. It is a case of either-or. He may like you as a friend, or he may be getting to know you. But sister, he is still NOT your boyfriend.



3. Check out past experiences, it gives clue to what he is inclined to do.

I read an article on 10 Men to Avoid Dating (read whole article here) . There are signs here of what types of men to avoid.

For me and the best friend, here are the things we saw but never really get to think about it before and during the relationship:

- Serial Monogamist (as stated in the article mentioned above). Beware of this guy who can't stand being alone and goes from one relationship after the other. This type of guy also cheats and declare that his relationship is on the rocks, or denies that he has a girlfriend in order to date. It could be he doesn't really know himself anymore because he has been jumping from one relationship after another, not being able to really get to know himself when not with a partner.

- The Player (also stated in the artilce). Somehow the serial monogamist and the player seems to be from one family tree. If he played in the past, he will play again. I was able to talk to the ex some years after we broke up and he told me he was courting someone (while still in a live-in arrangement with his current girlfriend). I asked him why and he said that it is because of his ego. Since almost everyone in the office likes her, he said that he wants to get the girl then dump her after. I did not keep myself from lambasting him for having such a sick mind. That also made me thankful I didn't stay his girlfriend too long.

4. Never assume you are (BEST) friends.

This is applicable to those victimized by the player and the serial monogamist. One thing about some men is that they are good at pretending you have the same values, the same points of view, the same whatever, the point is you clicked. And because you clicked, you're friends. Now that you're friends, you get to go places, dine out together, talk about fun stuff (fun stuffs only eh, nothing of the deep conversations associated with friendships). He may even tell you that you are his best friend. And you believe it. You believe it because you like him, and he seems to like everything you like.

Yeah, he is trying to get to know you and he is being nice. But calling you his best friend is way too much. You believe that the best relationships start with friendships, and since he is now your friend, he even says you are best friends, your chances of having a great relationship with this guy is way high.

The best way to avoid this is to take what men say with a grain of salt. And be a friend yourself. Some women fall for men like these because they themselves are trying not to be a friend but pretend to be best friends so that men will like them. To be able to find someone true, we must be true ourselves. The best way is to make lots of friends and be ourselves and let the men know they can be themselves too. We would love to fall for a man who is real, someone who is himself when he is with us, than somebody who is trying to be perfect and break hearts.

5. When a man says it is over, it is over.

Believe us, it is over. No amount of calling him, sending him sweet messages, giving him gifts, buying him coffee, dinner, movie. No amount of asking him to explain, to say sorry, or crying will bring him back. Learn that before he told you it is over, he has thought about this over and over in his mind. He has looked in to the pros and cons. Checked out his fall back if things go wrong. Perhaps checked out other girls too and other support systems he can get. I've done stupid things trying to get someone back, the best friend has done some too, and they didn't come back. Never. So never imagine that 5 years from now you will see each other again and fall in love the way you did. Maybe 5 years from now you are more beautiful than ever, successful in every area of your life and ready to fall in love again, but not with him. Believe us, you will get through. And when you do, expect great things to unfold before your eyes.


Go out and date. Take the risk. Be smart. Look after yourself. Remember that loving yourself is one of the keys to finding your one true love.


Sunrise in Manila 12/29/2011


Sunrises in Manila specially during the Christmas holiday season used to be cooler. But of course, given climate change, the cool months of October to December in Manila became rain months and the cooler months now start January to February.

Here is how sunrise looks like from our window 9 am today. Softer and kinder. It used to be that sunrise is harsh and terribly hot by 9 am.



I am so looking forward to seeing this again:

Sunrise in Pagudpud

I want to see the sunrise, anywhere. Maybe at any beach. Maybe in Boracay, Batangas, Mindoro, Quezon, anywhere. There is something happy about seeing sunrise like this one.

"We will see sunrises together"

Someone once told me that and it made me happy. We were never able to see sunrises together but the thought of seeing beautiful sunrises excites me.

Seeing sunrises is part of my vacation itinerary in the next coming months. I like sunrise. It makes me happy.

I guess I better schedule heading somewhere east soon to see the sunrise, even without beaches. I'd love seeing it on green mountains too.


Monday, December 5, 2011

Wannabe

A friend told me earlier tonight that he will enter the army next year. Initially, he was planning to get into the air force and be a pilot for the armed forces, however, he has just declared that next year he will start training for the army.

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I have been fond of soldiers and soldiers wanna be since high school. Maybe because I found the discipline, focus and courtesy attractive. I was exposed in high school Citizen Army Training. I liked my experience so much that I thought of enrolling with the PMA. My parents were totally against it and my heart seems to favor being in law school more than in the military academy that I decided to pursue pre-law at a university.

While there, I can't keep myself away from the ROTC. However, events lead me not to the cadet corps but to the sponsors' organization. It was during this time too that I assisted one of my male college friends to take the PMA exams. He passed but did not pursue training.

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Only recently a batch mate of mine died in a Mindanao mission. He is someone I was not able to meet during our college years but seeing my organization mates from his former Alma mater get hurt and cry over his demise somehow made me feel the pain of losing a soldier friend.

That was what made me tell this young friend of mine who is planning to get into the army that I will hug him before he goes to Mindanao.

I know, not everyone goes there die. I know also that dying in Mindanao is not an option to any soldier going there. But reality is that we are at war in Mindanao. And war does not care whom will it sacrifice. I want to be able to hug my friend even before he goes. A prayer for his safety will go with that too.

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Like before, I salute and admire young men and women who take the soldier's noble profession.