These last 3 years has been the most challenging destinations in my life (journey). The challenges I faced challenged my beliefs in myself and in other people. Perhaps, middle life crisis means that one gets to look at oneself in all honesty and see the self. The scars, the good things, what works and what doesn't, the works. One also identifies boundaries and sets them.
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So the other day, I decided to dress up. I dress up for work daily, I wear comfy clothes in going out. But the other day, I purposely decided that I will wear something that will make me feel great in my skin. There is a difference in energy for me that day. I enjoyed time with my husband more, I was less afraid of the drive through traffic. I let go of my anxieties, fears, and the pent up anger in me for a bit, I decided to do it. I felt great!
That night, I looked for things that make me happy. I saw a pair of earrings in Lazada. I have several stuff in my cart and I decided to check out the earrings. I realized that one reason I feel sad, angry, and frustrated is because I have been delaying my own happiness to take care of other people. Then when I don't deliver like I used to, they judge me as a bad person. I was judged several times by people I love, and since I give them the power to hurt me, I became an anxious, angry person. The worst thing is I cannot show my anger, because doing so will lead to more judgments. The other day, as I checked out the earrings, I said to myself "F*** all, I'm going to be happy.
So from then on, I make a deliberate effort to look at opportunities to love myself and enjoy life. I am still young. In the past, I will put it upon myself to achieve a certain income first, provide to other people first, take care of their needs first, then I will have a little bit of happiness that conforms to their idea of what makes me happy. In the past, when I felt happy and they did not approve, I let go of happiness. Now, in my middle age, when all of them have left to mind their own lives and I am alone with people that matter to me, I can say f*** all that, I will live life and be happy.
The toxic culture that I endured may still dominate the lives of other younger first born child, I hope like me they will be able to express their anger and love. Now I am thinking, at this age, I feel like a young empty nester. I am loving it. I love this freedom. I can be who I want to be and do what I want.
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I am going to live free, to hell with all the maritess!
If you are reading this and wants to add happiness to your life, perhaps you can find something that can contribute to your happiness in LAZADA, click and check your cart out!
