Have you ever thought that Love is a bitter feeling?
You know that feeling of resentment when you see happy couples doing that HHWW (Holding hands while walking) or HHWWPSSP (Holding Hands While Walking Pa-Sway Sway Pa)?
You may have even caught yourself saying, "lolokohin ka lang niyan!" (He/She is out to fool you).
Bitter. Ampalaya.
I have been bitter myself. In high school, all my crushes ran away from me. In college, my crush avoided me. I was a happy kid but those moments when people you like don't like you back makes you question if you are lovable. And since you don't accept it, you feel resentment towards the prospect of loving. My defense mechanism then was to be cynical about love. To expect the worst to happen so I will no longer the mourn of unrequited love. I like someone, he does not like me, it is okay, I knew it.
I made relationships, they broke up with me, it is okay, I knew it.
I knew what?
I was so bitter I made stories in my head. Perhaps they didn't like me because I am not smart enought, I am not pretty enough, I am not rich enough. I thought no one can like me because... and then list all things that are not lovable about me. The result, I have psyched myself in believing I am not worthy to be loved, that if anyone should love me I owe it to them so I should be more loving to them than myself.
LOVE is NOT bitter.
It is only after sometime that I learned to let go of my bitter feelings. We are made to love and from love and as a person of love, it is inevitable that we are to discover the beauty of our real self.
Some say that after a breakup you realize who are your real friends. After a breakup, you get to spend more time with family members. The sister you used to hate becomes your best friend. The brother who used to tease you is now the one who wipes your tears. Your mom, that one person who told you she does not like the boy you're dating is the one hugging you in those painful days/nights of getting back to your feet.
It is in these instances of love that you get to realize love is not bitter. You may not have the relationship you wish you have but you have already been given the friends and family who love you - a testament that Love, God, sees the beauty in you and loves you no matter what.
A broken heart is not the picture of LOVE
Love is bitter. This picture is brought about by the sadness of a broken heart. The songs that reminds you of the one you love that went away brings to mind that love is all about it - bitterness, betrayal, sadness, loneliness. That is not love.
Love is way better. Choosing to love is the best thing.
Pain, sadness, loneliness, we feel that when we are rejected, or cheated on, or betrayed. The good news is, all of them are temporary. All of them will be gone, only when we learn to let go. Once we let go, the bitter feelings lose their power. You will then get to see the beauty around you, the gloomy days of broken hearts while they may not be totally over now start to see light. The rain has stopped, the clouds are suddenly lightening up.
Once you have accepted that bitterness is temporary. Once you have decided to open your heart to let go of all the negative feelings and accepted the love around you. Only then will you find yourself happy and smiling again. With or without a relationship; with or without a love life, you know you are loved. You are loved. You are loved.
Love is a better feeling.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Lovestruck: My one grand mistake in falling in love
Have you ever felt in love?
I thought I have. I've been in two relationships in the past and I thought, for the most part, that I am in love.
Looking back I thought, I made a big mistake. I made that one big mistake that broke all my past relationships.
The first love story came as a surprise. I was not planning on falling in love but I met him in a college event a month before I graduated. Months after, he courted me while I was attending law school. I was sent to college and to law school by a maternal aunt and we had an agreement when she decided to supported me in my post graduate studies -- no boyfriends. Yet I thought I was in love with the person that I accepted him. To make the long story short, the guy broke up with me when he found a new girlfriend. Years later, I learned he had 2 girlfriends then - me and another girl I met some years back. I thought I was in love then. Looking back, it was the sweet tongue that got me. I was living the life of a law student - eat, study, class routine, that when he presented himself, I thought maybe this is the person I can plan my future with. I was so wrong.
The second love story came as a "yeah right moment". I was out of school since my aunt decided to not send me to school anymore, my dad had cancer, I was trying to make a new business work. I was stressed out and frustrated. The second love story promised to be a breath of fresh air, of an escape, a temporary happiness, nay, a promise of a future happiness, in the middle of my chaotic life. Yet right after I accepted to be a part of this love story, I saw how the future would look like-sad, poor, stressful. I thought I can make it work, I thought I can make things work. However, having a lazy man as a boyfriend provides a not so inviting future. I pictured myself possibly losing the drive to go back to school, he does not like business, he felt pretty much overwhelmed by my plans to stay in my business and he spends his money on weekly booze. The future looks dim for me in this relationship, yet here I was trying to make things work. One day he said he does not want to be in a relationship anymore. I said "ok" and we parted ways. I did not feel pain, it is just something that I am thankful for. An end that means a new slate for me.
After the two stories I was able to date. I learned a lot in this period. I learned about the things I like and don't like, I learned more about myself. Sometime later, I met someone who made me thought I might be in love. I imagined how life would be with him. He is a good friend, someone my mom loves. Sure there are things we do not agree on but I thought those are minimal details. Details. Love is in the details. Yet I was inclined to focus on the bigger details - his job, his degree, his relations with my mom. Some things a girl like me would love a future partner to have. I thought and prayed for a relationship; I promised to be good. I turned a blind eye to the possibility of that person not being good for me.
I was thinking so much of love, of deciding to fall in love, of making myself be for love that I realized I am not in love. I am only in love with the idea of finding the perfect partner - someone I can be proud of, someone my mom would approve for me, a person who can fill things I thought I am lacking. I am into committing another mistake, of loving the idea of love more than loving myself. It is this mistake that has brought me to the past pains and failed relationships. It is this mistake that I was praying God to will for me. It is this mistake that He delivered me from.
God gave me something better.
I thought I have. I've been in two relationships in the past and I thought, for the most part, that I am in love.
Looking back I thought, I made a big mistake. I made that one big mistake that broke all my past relationships.
The first love story came as a surprise. I was not planning on falling in love but I met him in a college event a month before I graduated. Months after, he courted me while I was attending law school. I was sent to college and to law school by a maternal aunt and we had an agreement when she decided to supported me in my post graduate studies -- no boyfriends. Yet I thought I was in love with the person that I accepted him. To make the long story short, the guy broke up with me when he found a new girlfriend. Years later, I learned he had 2 girlfriends then - me and another girl I met some years back. I thought I was in love then. Looking back, it was the sweet tongue that got me. I was living the life of a law student - eat, study, class routine, that when he presented himself, I thought maybe this is the person I can plan my future with. I was so wrong.
The second love story came as a "yeah right moment". I was out of school since my aunt decided to not send me to school anymore, my dad had cancer, I was trying to make a new business work. I was stressed out and frustrated. The second love story promised to be a breath of fresh air, of an escape, a temporary happiness, nay, a promise of a future happiness, in the middle of my chaotic life. Yet right after I accepted to be a part of this love story, I saw how the future would look like-sad, poor, stressful. I thought I can make it work, I thought I can make things work. However, having a lazy man as a boyfriend provides a not so inviting future. I pictured myself possibly losing the drive to go back to school, he does not like business, he felt pretty much overwhelmed by my plans to stay in my business and he spends his money on weekly booze. The future looks dim for me in this relationship, yet here I was trying to make things work. One day he said he does not want to be in a relationship anymore. I said "ok" and we parted ways. I did not feel pain, it is just something that I am thankful for. An end that means a new slate for me.
After the two stories I was able to date. I learned a lot in this period. I learned about the things I like and don't like, I learned more about myself. Sometime later, I met someone who made me thought I might be in love. I imagined how life would be with him. He is a good friend, someone my mom loves. Sure there are things we do not agree on but I thought those are minimal details. Details. Love is in the details. Yet I was inclined to focus on the bigger details - his job, his degree, his relations with my mom. Some things a girl like me would love a future partner to have. I thought and prayed for a relationship; I promised to be good. I turned a blind eye to the possibility of that person not being good for me.
I was thinking so much of love, of deciding to fall in love, of making myself be for love that I realized I am not in love. I am only in love with the idea of finding the perfect partner - someone I can be proud of, someone my mom would approve for me, a person who can fill things I thought I am lacking. I am into committing another mistake, of loving the idea of love more than loving myself. It is this mistake that has brought me to the past pains and failed relationships. It is this mistake that I was praying God to will for me. It is this mistake that He delivered me from.
God gave me something better.
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