Lovestruck: My one grand mistake in falling in love

Have you ever felt in love?

I thought I have. I've been in two relationships in the past and I thought, for the most part, that I am in love.

Looking back I thought, I made a big mistake. I made that one big mistake that broke all my past relationships.

The first love story came as a surprise.  I was not planning on falling in love but I met him in a college event a month before I graduated.  Months after, he courted me while I was attending law school.  I was sent to college and to law school by a maternal aunt and we had an agreement when she decided to supported me in  my post graduate studies -- no boyfriends.  Yet I thought I was in love with the person that I accepted him. To make the long story short, the guy broke up with me when he found a new girlfriend.  Years later, I learned he had 2 girlfriends then - me and another girl I met some years back.  I thought I was in love then. Looking back, it was the sweet tongue that got me. I was living the life of a law student - eat, study, class routine, that when he presented himself, I thought maybe this is the person I can plan my future with.  I was so wrong.

The second love story came as a "yeah right moment".  I was out of school since my aunt decided to not send me to school anymore, my dad had cancer, I was trying to make a new business work.  I was stressed out and frustrated.  The second love story promised to be a breath of fresh air, of an escape, a temporary happiness, nay, a promise of a future happiness, in the middle of my chaotic life.  Yet right after I accepted to be a part of this love story, I saw how the future would look like-sad, poor, stressful.  I thought I can make it work, I thought I can make things work. However, having a lazy man as a boyfriend provides a not so inviting future.  I pictured myself possibly losing the drive to go back to school, he does not like business, he felt pretty much overwhelmed by my plans to stay in my business and he spends his money on weekly booze.     The future looks dim for me in this relationship, yet here I was trying to make things work.  One day he said he does not want to be in a relationship anymore.  I said "ok" and we parted ways.  I did not feel pain, it is just  something that I am thankful for.  An end that means a new slate for me.

After the two stories I was able to date. I learned a lot in this period.  I learned about the things I like and don't like, I learned more about myself.  Sometime later, I met someone who made me thought I might be in love.  I imagined how life would be with him.  He is a good friend, someone my mom loves. Sure there are things we do not agree on but I thought those are minimal details.  Details.  Love is in the details.  Yet I was inclined to focus on the bigger details - his job, his degree, his relations with my mom.  Some things a girl like me would love a future partner to have. I thought and prayed for a relationship; I promised to be good.  I turned a blind eye to the possibility of that person not being good for me.

I was thinking so much of love, of deciding to fall in love, of making myself be for love that I realized I am not in love. I am only in love with the idea of finding the perfect partner - someone I can be proud of, someone my mom would approve for me, a person who can fill things I thought I am lacking.  I am into committing another mistake, of loving the idea of love more than loving myself.  It is this mistake that has brought me to the past pains and failed relationships.  It is this mistake that I was praying God to will for me. It is this mistake that He delivered me from.

God gave me something better.

UP Corps of Sponsors Alumnae Assembly

I was never a fan of beauty contests, of beauty titles, even of organizations that exalts beauty.  I used to subscribe to the idea that beauties lack brains, and brains lack beauty.  I thought, since I was treated as an ugly duckling in high school, I lack beauty and I am just all brains.

Then the UP Corps of Sponsors happened in my life.

I was a thin, insecure 16 year old college student when I was approached by a male classmate who happened to be a cadet officer (he recently passed the bar. Congratulations Erick Sta Barbara).  Being the insecure me, I took the invitation as a joke and threatened to hurt him should he insist. He convinced me that it is not the case and so I went and accepted the invitation.  I underwent the 3 level interviews to select the members of Corps of Sponsors and I was accepted as Deputy Corps Sponsor for Operations.  I was taught to plan and execute activities, conduct after activity debriefing, make reports and see how the ladies will be trained in the military and social graces aspect. The life of a sponsor is a charming, exciting, and tiring one.  It is self fulfilling.  We have conducted different medical missions, social activities, and other activities that enriched further my college years.  Those years with the Corps are the happiest ones for me.




Ushering detail, UP Manila Graduation, PICC. Circa 2002


We were told in the Corps that we were chosen not solely because of our intellect but because of how we handle ourselves during the interview. Grace under pressure, beauty, and brains are some of the traits that the panelists look for in a sponsor. I am flattered, yet I did not fully believe that I got the beauty they were talking about. Not until recently.


Me at the UP Corps of Sponsors Assembly, UP Bahay ng Alumni, Diliman Quezon City

I have been coordinating with the UP Vanguards and I have been actively campaigning during freshmen orientation in UP Manila so we can invite more UP Manila students to join the UP Corps of Cadets.  After some time, I was able to get in touch with some alumnae members of UP Corps of Sponsors.  A meeting was held, we made a decision, and we were able to come up with a UP Corps of Sponsors Alumnae Assembly held last March 16, 2013 at the UP Bahay ng Alumni.



The activity started at 11am and we were able to meet and have fun times with the Ladies of the Corps until 3pm.  The Ladies were stressing on sisterhood and the fact that we are all beauty and brains.  I no longer find myself revolting or resisting the idea that I am beautiful, that I am worthy to be called a Sponsor.  I guess, more than the skin deep beauty, I have learned to accept and appreciate the real me, the person who loved and who will always love the Corps.  I am pleased to know that I belong to a sisterhood that values the Corps as much as I do.  I am happy to say that I belong.

After the activity, the ladies went to the parade and were able to troop the line. I had to leave in the middle of the parade but I kept in heart the happiness of being one with my Sponsor sisters again. I remember what the Corps Sponsor 2001-2002 told me, the lady who inspired me to finish the sponsor process (Dr. Mary  Ruth Sanchez), she told me that once a lady becomes a sponsor, she will always be a sponsor.  We do not forget the shibboleths of the Corps neither do we abandon it.  We will always be for Honor, Excellence, and Service.  For it has stood the test of time, and victory made it Strong.  We are the UP Corps of Sponsors.

I will have to thank these kind people who help the UP Corps of Sponsors Alumnae Assembly a Success.

Goldie Miranda
Joann Corbe
Mrs Corbe
Karylle Gallardo-Esguerra
Edrick Esguerra
Wel Garcia-Dy
Roberto Dy Jr
Glenn Llamador
Ms Charmain Doroteo
UPLB Corps of Sponsors Residents and Alumnae
UPD Corps of Sponsors Residents and Alumnae
Faith Roanne Caronan
Atty. Shaina Ramirez
Cong. Lorna Verano
Ms. Dominique Monera-Tabora
Ms. Vida Doria
Ms Riza Baldoria
UP Corps of Sponsors Alumnae from the North America
Vgd. Alex Tamayo,'93 who is our official photogapher.  See more of his works here
Centro Residences by Wee Community Developers
Diliman-diary.blogspot.com
WheninManila.com
AksyonNgayon
Public Information Office

I am just thankful being surrounded by the most beautiful women in UP.

Hail the Corps of Sponsors.

Coming of Age

I am 28. At this age when most people have already started their own families, climbed up a bit on the corporate ladder, or perhaps have started to move into their own homes, I have just started to discover the magic of the concealer, the importance of having a ready black dress in the closet, and the beauty of shaped, waxed, silky soft legs.

Don't get me wrong, i am not as naive as i was when i was 18.  I was never naive, even if sometimes i tend or appear innocent.  I know about sex and relationships, work and career, poverty and sickness just like some of the majority do.  But i am at a point where it seems to me i dont know much. I havent experienced enough. And i haven't done anything significantly grand.

I have climbed mountains, crossed small seas, flown once or twice.  I've gone out of town with a close friend, some close friends.  I have tasted some good food.  And i have experienced the beating of life.  Still i want more.

At 28, when most ladies have settled, I am at a point where I continue to discover what I am looking for in a partner.  I have dated the bad guys and the excitement of rush romances now bores me.  The good guys of the past, you know the smarty pants who fancy the popular girls and never did give me a second look then; or perhaps treated me like one of the guys - they have become emotionally, financially, and spiritually stable.  I like it.

There are times when I tend to think that I am still that skinny, nerdie, awkward teenager that goes unnoticed, but the glances I get tell me otherwise.  I am at the age when my body curves become prominent, the skin cleared of outbreaks, and my hair has been colored to match my skin color. More than that, I have become more confident and respectful of the self.  I have learned to love my skinny geeky past and embrace the lovely curvy woman that I have become.

I am at the age when all I want to do is explore, learn more, be more, serve more and love more.  I am excited to dig into life and breathe wisdom deeper into my being.  I am at this point where I have gotten more conscious of God and His undying Love for me.

At times I still ask why do I feel this only now?  If I were more confident, forgiving, accepting, and loving in the past, my life would have been different and more exciting.  However, there is no proof that it would have been better.  I am who I am now because of my decisions-good or bad.  One thing is certain, God is guiding me through everything and He is making me perfect every single day.

I am 28, but I feel like I am a 17 year old kid who is excited to see more what life has to offer.  It is only recently that I learned to travel, wear dresses, and do my make up.  It is only recently when I learned to respect myself and love myself more.  It is only recently that the good guys start to notice and appreciate me.  It is only recently that I felt that God is presenting me with great experiences -- it is only recently when I put in effort to look and acknowledge it; only recently when I learned to truly enjoy everything.

I have come of age. And God has been patient with me.  This is God's time. My perfect time.